1. She was in the bathroom, putting on
her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done
many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the
little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking
about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day
to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My
grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at
1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to
bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to
wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious,
her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed
into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little
granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside
on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front
yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking
this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you
sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when
he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I
mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're
both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding
away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied.
"I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had
learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something
and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun
for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying,
"Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors
yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered
our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from
attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them
before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes
are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I
was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your
underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10.. A second grader came home from
school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how
to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised,
tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How
do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the
girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a
sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad
aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she
asked.
"Sure," said the young boy
confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his
grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in
the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds
back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's
just for good luck.. "
A third child brought the argument to a
close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire
hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his
grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and
when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit,
we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!
He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as
him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they
bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
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