You may have never heard all the verses to this song--after watching the movie one late night recently, I looked them up. By Arlo Guthrie.
Alice's Restaurant Lyrics
This song is called Alice's Restaurant,
and it's about Alice, and the Restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the
name of the restaurant, That's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's Restaurant.
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You can get anything you want at Alice's
Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track, You
can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago,
was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit
Alice at the Restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in
the Church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of Room
downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how
they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't Have to take out
their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage
in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage
down to the city dump. So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back
of a red VW Microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and
headed on toward the city dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign
and a chain across the Dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we
had never heard of a dump Closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our
eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a
side road, and off the side of the Side road there was another fifteen-foot cliff
and at the bottom of the Cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we
decided that one big pile Is better than two little piles, and rather than
bring that one up we decided to throw ours down.
That's what we did, and drove back to the
church, had a thanksgiving Dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and
didn't get up until the Next morning, when we got a phone call from officer
Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a
half a ton of Garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about
it." And
I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under
that garbage."
After speaking to Obie for about forty-five
minutes on the telephone we Finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said
that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and
speak to him at the Police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus
with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward
the Police officer's station.
Now friends, there was only one or two
things that Obie coulda done at The police station, and the first was he could
have given us a medal for Being so brave and honest on the telephone, which
wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could
have bawled us out and told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again, Which is what we expected, but when we got to
the police officer's station There was a third possibility that we hadn't even
counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said
"Obie, I don't think I an pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up,
kid. Get in the back of the patrol
car." And that's what we did, sat
in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime
unquote.
I
want tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where this happened
here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but
when we got to the scene of the crime there was five police officers and three
police cars,
Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to get in
the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of Cop equipment
that they had hanging around the police officer's station. They was taking
plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and They took twenty
seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was
to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway,
the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial
photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the
jail. Obie said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going
to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt." And I said,
"Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to
spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" And he said,
"Kid, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Obie, did you think
I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out
the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out
the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet
paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie was making
sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice (Remember Alice?
It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on
the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back To the church, had a another
thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, And didn't get up until the next
morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with
the twenty-seven eight-by-ten Colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All
rise." We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty-seven
eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a
seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye
dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with
circles and arrows And a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the
seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures
with circles And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to
cry, cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American Blind
justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the Judge wasn't
going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was
fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that’s not what I
came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft. They got a
building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in,
you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went
down to get my physical examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I
looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. 'cause I wanted to look
like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted To feel
like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all Kinds
o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave Me a piece
of paper, said, "Kid, see the psychiatrist, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink,
I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I
wanna see blood and gore and Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies.
I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling,
"KILL, KILL, " and He started jumpin up and down with me and we was
both jumping up and down
Yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on
me, Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it. Proceeded
on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections
and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me At the thing there, and I was there for two
hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty Ugly
things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was Inspecting,
injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no Part untouched.
Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the Last man, I walked
in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we
only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of
the Alice's Restaurant Massacree, With
full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all The
phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever Go
to court?" And I proceeded to tell him the story of
the twenty seven eight-by-ten Colour glossy pictures with the circles and
arrows and the paragraph on The back of each one, and he stopped me right there
and said, "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says
Group W ... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench
there, and there is, Group W's Where they put you if you may not be moral enough
to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds
of mean nasty ugly Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father
stabbers. Father Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to
me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting
on the bench next to me. and the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest Father
raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'N' nasty 'n'
horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid,
whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and
pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for,
kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said,
"And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, And
we had a great time on the bench, talkin’ about crime, mother stabbing, father
raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And
everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until
the Sergeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said: "Kids,
this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing- You-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-Officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say",
and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said,
but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench
there, And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down
there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and
I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the
middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in
parentheses, capital letters, quoted, read the following words:
I went over to the Sargent, said, "Sergeant,
you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I
mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here
on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army,
burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked
at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you
fingerprints off to Washington."
And friends, somewhere in Washington
enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my
fingerprints. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you
may know somebody in a similar Situation, or you may be in a similar situation,
and if you’re in a Situation like that there's only one thing you can do and
that's walk into the shrink wherever you are, just walk in say "Shrink,
You can get Anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. you
know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick
and They won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they
may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. And three
people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of
Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And
can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day walking
in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may think
it's a movement.
And that's what it is, the Alice's
Restaurant Anti-Massacree Movement, and All you got to do to join is sing it
the next time it comes around on the Guitar. With feeling. So, we'll wait for
it to come around on the guitar, here and Sing it when it does. Here it comes. You can get anything you want, at Alice's
Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant. Walk right in it's around the back just a half
a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Alice's
Restaurant
That was horrible. If you want to end war
and stuff you got to sing loud. I've
been singing this song now for twenty-five minutes. I could sing it for another
twenty-five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired. So, we'll wait till it comes around again,
and this time with four-part Harmony and feeling. We're just waitin' for it to come around is
what we're doing. All right now…….
You can get anything you want, at Alice's
Restaurant
Excepting Alice You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant Walk right
in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get
anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum At Alice's Restaurant
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You might find these interesting--click on it: Pictures of Fruits before they are picked
Later, LCM, st
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